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Newcastle United Reserves	1 - 4	smog Reserves
Half time:	1 - 3
Score Sheet:
Kerr (32)		Campbell (10)   Campbell (18)   Wilkshire (33)   Close (72)
	Teams
Adam Collin Ryan McGuffie Wayne Quinn David Cowan Marcelino Brian Kerr Andrew Griffin Mark Boyd Carl Cort Shola Ameobi Olivier Bernard		Mark Schwarzer Brian Close Dean Gordon Mark Hudson Philip Gulliver David Murphy Alan Johnston Luke Wilkshire Andy Campbell Arthur Bernhardt Stuart Downing
Substitutes:
Michael Chopra for Cort (56) Bradley Orr for Boyd (56)		Craig Dove for Bernhardt (68) Jamie Cade for Campbell (72) Andrew Davies for Hudson (91)
Subs not used:
Colin McMenamin Carl Bell Andy Ferrell		Brad Jones Jonathan Agbatar
Bookings:
Griffin (55) foul on Murphy.		Close (35) encroaching at free kick Wilkshire (53) foul on Shola
Referee: GH Simpson, with P.Simpson on one line - in keeping with the Springfieldesque flavour of the evening, we appeared to have fielded a Krusty the clown XI ......
Attendance:  2,148 poor drenched wretches.

10 mins After a tepid opening period with the rain just deciding to alter from shower to downpour, Andy Campbell picked up the ball in a central area just beyond the centre circle and shrugged off the attentions of Cowan before firing a shot past Collin's right glove into the corner of the net. 0-1

18 mins It was Andy Campbell again, seizing on a half-hearted clearance from Griffin on the edge of the Newcastle box to stride forward and plant a fierce shot in off the bar, with the dithering Magpie defence watching helplessly.   0-2  

32 mins A rare moment of home pressure saw Quinn feed Ameobi in centre field and the latter lay the ball on for Brian Kerr, who had found space in the middle of the Boro defence. He finished calmly with a swerving effort under keeper Schwarzer, who was a little slow to react (perhaps understandably having just returned from injury.) 1-2

33 mins More shameful defending, this time as Marcelino lost the ball on the United left after one attack had been broken up. Johnston put over a low centre for Luke Wilkshire to knock home without fuss from 10 yards.  1-3

Half time: Newcastle Reserves 1 smogs 3 

72 mins Brian Close (not the cricketer) left Quinn for dead on the Boro right before slotting home into the far corner of the goal with a low angled shot from the edge of the box. Had it been Brian Close the cricketer, opinion was divided but a majority held sway that this would have been his "wrong 'un" as opposed to his "flipper" or "chinaman". It was that sort of night - rotten. 1-4 

Full time: Newcastle Reserves 1 smogs 4 

Tommy Craig commented:

"I was shocked with what I saw - I didn't think we were capable of a performance like that.

"It was a night in which, apart from the goalkeeper, not one player did himself justice. There were too many misplaced passes and we weren't anywhere near competitive enough.

"We were no threat and were easy to play against. Middlesbrough were ahead in every department.

"There was a lethargy about us. I felt there was a lack of commitment and it's the first time I've said that in four years.

"I'd like to think it was one of those nights and I suppose you have one of those in four years but in my time here I've never experienced a performance like that."

Speaking about the returning Carl Cort, Bobby Robson said:

"We weren't going to kill him last night - it was his first match for many a day. We are happy that he came off the pitch not injured and that his knee has stood up to the rigours of the night.

"We did not want him to play 90 minutes and put the injury at risk. He is delighted. He is pleased that he has played even in what was a poor reserve performance. As far as I was concerned, the performance was the last thing on my mind.

"I'm just happy he has got a short run-out and has twisted and turned. He was shackled but he managed to manoeuvre himself. We told him - if there is anything 50-50 or dodgy stay out of it.

"He's on a special fitness regime but he will now be able to train with the group. He will be able to have a game in general football training.

"We've got to draw the comparison with Kieron Dyer. We gave him 12 minutes, 20 minutes, 45 minutes and, in the fourth game, 90 minutes."

Well, not as comprehensive a defeat as the 4-2 reverse the mackems inflicted upon us on a similarly wet Tyneside night recently, but that's wholly due to the shortcomings of the visitors: in both cases, the black and whites were unutterably awful.

Precisely what the outfield players thought they were doing at Kingston Park this Monday night is open to question - certainly playing football seemed to be the last things on their minds. While Carl Cort was understandably taking things very easily after another period on the sidelines, it wasn't difficult to assume that most of the rest had also returned from some sort of football-free exile.

At the head of the underachievers were Ameobi and Griffin, who wandered around with an air of disinterest throughout and who's faces were tripping them up from the start to the finish. Perhaps they could also benefit from the Nationwide therapy currently being administered to some of their erstwhile colleagues, or failing that a swift kick in the pants. In one word, unprofessional.

After having made good progress this week in training, Carl Cort returned to competitive action and made a quiet comeback, wisely not rushing things. He still looks several weeks off the pace unlike last season when he was straight back in the starting line-up

No point in going on really, nothing more positive to say than that. With this sort of attitude there's little point in bothering to go down to Wearside for the away game next week, as another humping is on the cards.

Entertainment value to the 2,000 who bothered to turn up = nil. To make matters worse, the recent high winds had caused the closure of the temporary stand on the far side of the ground. Once the rain started falling, that meant that there was no shelter whatsoever for the long-suffering fans.

Biffa 

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